Rain

It's been seven months since I got home, and yeah it is nice to be back but why am my feeling so negative about things around. I know I have to do something but why couldn't I just do it?

As I am hearing the raindrops falling, why am I thinking of failing? again... (God i hate it!).
I hate it when people are being pessimistic about life but here I am being one of them,.
I hate it when I say I will though I know won't..
I hate to be here left alone and be effffin be like this..
Why can't I just be like those people who stands from the ground and just trust themselves go forward..
Am I this useless?
Am I this helpless?
Why am I always the one who looks up just knowing they're looking down and don't even care to see me?

How can I stand through the storm that keeps pushing me to the muddy ground..
Can I stop the rain from falling?
or should I just accept this failure?

or maybe there's still an option for me?
but what is it?
I almost wanted to give up just searching for it.....
If I could just be the one I use to be maybe I can.

But I am different now, weaker i supposed.
Now, my life is different.
Everything is.